I’ve been thinking a lot about mentorship lately, for a variety of reasons. Last weekend, I went to the weSTEM conference, an event ran by the Illinois graduate student chapter of the Society of Women Engineers. I gave the opening keynote to the event, setting the stage for deep conversations about how science is used to justify misogyny and what we can do to make sure that all women—not just cis, white women—were included in STEM spaces. I then got to spend the rest of the day meeting people who are themselves badasses, all of whom shared that they loved my talk and resonated with the messages so much. (Thank you to everyone who watched my talk, truly, you are wonderful!! <3 <3)
Yes, that’s right, cis women related to a trans woman’s experience. Wild, I know! I actually never went to a SWE event when I was a graduate student, despite UConn having its own chapter with a robust membership, because I didn’t think that I would be accepted there as a trans woman. Trans women are often pushed out of women’s spaces because of the perception that they don’t share their experiences of misogyny, or are infiltrators by some other justification. Or maybe, this phenomenon is rarer than we think, and the Internet (by virtue of placing the most rage-baiting, bigoted content on top of all of our feeds) gives people the false perception that trans and cis women have little in common. Either way, the result is the same: trans women police ourselves, we deny ourselves the experiences of joy and community from other women. Needless to say, it was a profound and healing experience to be able to not only attend a Grad SWE event, and not only to be chosen as the opening speaker, but to be embraced so fully by so many women of all kinds of backgrounds.
One woman in particular had a story that I will never forget: at the end of the day-long conference, someone came up to me and told me just how much I inspired them to speak their truth. She was a panelist in one of the afternoon sessions on navigating the world of industry as a woman of color. However, despite giving these kinds of talks all the time, she had never publicly spoken about her specific experience of being a single mother, having to leave her abusive husband when her own child with him was 3 months old. Seeing my bravery in telling my story of transition and hardship gave her the courage to talk about what it was like to have to maintain her career while going through her own hardships; seeking housing, gaining financial independence, explaining to her family that she had left her partner even though in her culture that “just doesn’t happen” (or does, but is too taboo to talk about), and much more. We had a good cry about it together, and I made sure to tell her about how brave she was and how much she probably inspired other women who went through the same but were themselves afraid to talk about it.
Naturally, a thought has been rattling around my brain: being able to mentor others is one of the greatest gifts in this world.
This week, trans icon Cecilia Gentili passed away. She was famous for her acting roles but even more impactful as an activist, serving major roles in organizations like GMHC and Trans Equity. In this Reel posted in the wake of her passing, the Argentinian trans woman talks about one of her first non-sex work jobs, specifically an experience where she had to have another trans woman teach her Microsoft Excel in one of her first days on the job.
Inevitably, this inspiring story made me think about my own role as a Lecturer at UMass Amherst. Students come to me from all sorts of backgrounds, meaning they have all levels of tech literacy. This is extra true this semester, since for the first time in my teaching career, I’m teaching sophomores in college, not seniors, so I have students who are still figuring out how to use email, the Canvas LMS, MATLAB, and yes, even Microsoft Excel. Much has been written about the impact of COVID-19 on students, but as a college instructor 5 years deep into this (ongoing!!) pandemic, I can confidently say that the real challenge is not that all students are getting worse, but that the gap between the “best-performing” and “worst-performing” students is getting wider. The cis white men whose parents were also engineers, who have all the support in the world and who are already planning their semesters abroad, are doing just fine. It’s students from marginalized backgrounds—who come from systemically underfunded schools due to redlining and white flight, or who don’t yet have a strong sense of community in their 75%-male, highly-hetero major—who are severely falling behind.
My job, both inside and outside of the classroom, is to lift up all of my students and give them the tools they need to succeed in the world. At my job I do for money, that means sitting down and helping students learn the basics, even when it’s time consuming and frustrating. In my community role, as a mentor to several trans women in STEM in my local community and across the country, I do more or less the same: I give survival tips, I share resources, I do mutual aid, I educate trans youth about racism, sexism, and their roles in the world. This is The Good Work and it’s a privilege to be able to do it, especially considering that we’re in a very special time in trans history…
For the first time in recent history, trans people are surviving. We’re getting to grow old, and more importantly, we’re getting to find younger trans people to mentor. Thinking about Cecilia, and the women from weSTEM who I inspired, has made me more grateful for my abundant trans life than I ever have been.
The third and final thread of this week’s rant is a video from Lauren Sundstrom, an incredible content creator with a highly respectable code of ethics. She graciously appeared in my 2022 audio documentary about algorithmic suppression on TikTok and we’ve stayed mutuals ever since. In this video, Lauren talks about the privilege of aging as a trans woman and what it means to her.
I share Lauren’s sentiment completely. Women—all women—are told that they have to look a certain way in order to have value. But to me, and to many other badass women, getting to grow up means getting to enjoy life to the fullest. It means becoming wiser and smarter. It means getting to share that wisdom with the people who need it most. It means getting to say that I made it, even though so many before me didn’t. Survivor’s guilt aside, I can’t wait to grow old, because I can’t wait to mentor all the young trans people I possibly can.
So I say, bring on those wrinkles!! My skin care routine is some facial cleanser and some moisturizer, and that’s it. Fittingly, for a long time I was made to feel self-conscious about my skin, but my electrologist (another trans woman) repeatedly tells me that I have some of the healthiest skin she’s seen. (Thanks, Zora! You single-handedly undid decades of misogynistic programming.)
I believe that it’s a privilege to serve my community. As such, I ended my keynote speech at weSTEM with a message to any trans people in the audience, a message of hope in a time of great anti-trans backlash:
When we let people in power tell our stories for us, SO many of those stories get erased. The world of science can only benefit by embracing non-binary thinking, embracing the lives and perspectives and trans people, and rejecting biological essentialism. If you’re trans and you’re here watching: I love you. Know that you are the next link in a chain stretching back thousands of years into the past, and stretching forward thousands of years into the future. Especially if you’re a trans person of color: your people are sacred, you are a healer. We have always existed, we always will exist, and our community will always survive and persist, no matter what they throw at us.
Currently Reading
Mathematician and drag queen Kyne Santos, aka onlinekyne, now has a Substack! She also wrote a soon-to-be-released book about the similarities between math and drag, which I’m extra excited for. Go show her some love!
My old friend Steven Feldman, who is responsible for the Rainbow Grads & Young Professionals group back at UConn (and by extension my entire grad school friend group) just published a scientific article in the Journal of LGBT Youth about queer students’ experiences on college campuses. Go check it out now!
Kimberly Nicole Foster had a great Grammy’s take about white privilege and Black excellence. (I personally still haven’t forgiven Miley Cyrus for her edgy, Black-culture-appropriation era, but then again, I’m not really emotionally invested in any celebrities these days.)
I witty, yet necessary take on polyamory. Why do monogamous people get to screw around and be messy, while poly people are held to an absurdly high standard?
Watch History
A short video on the strangely subversive military shooter, Spec Ops: The Line.
As I await the new CJ the X video, they made an appearance on the Horseshoe Theory podcast. Their takes on Internet culture are critical! (Related: their How To Do Nothing community book report is the kind of group project I can only dream of executing in my classrooms!)
Bops, Vibes, & Jams
The new Shygirl album is spectacular. It will appear in every DJ set I ever make from now on. Favorite tracks: all of them.
And now, your weekly Koko.
That’s all for now! See you next week with more sweet, sweet content.
In solidarity,
-Anna
I haven't had the opportunity to experience the kind of community you describe here but it sounds amazing. And you're right, this is something exclusive to the current time period. For the first time it's becoming both safe and possible for us to find one another, to live into old age, and to be ourselves authentically in so many public spheres. Thanks for sharing some trans joy!